Before I begin, there's one more thing I must address. For those of you who've read all 9 chapters so far know of the issue of blood I'd suffered from so severely and the highly irregular cycles I'd had. Until now I've failed to mention that my cycle actually stopped about a week before my trip and was still on hold the first day in Israel. I still wished to be baptized in the Jordan River of course, but hoped that this pause in my issue was the start of normalcy and regularity.
However, when we stopped for lunch on this day, I was devastated to find that I was wrong... again. Over and over throughout the past few years whenever some sign of my cycle looked normal, hope soared, but quickly crashed. My mom had faith I'd be healed and get excited every time I informed her of some good news; but over time, I stopped saying anything to her, afraid I might somehow jinx it, so when I left for Israel, I hadn't told her of the pause in my cycle.
So, after lunch, as we drove to our next site, I felt a seed of panic that I was all alone with this problem and couldn't confide in anyone.
Sunday, April 22
We arrived in the region of Caesarea Philippi, the location where Simon Peter made his confession of Jesus being the Christ, and also home to the Gates of Hell (more on that later). We got off our respective buses and gathered at the beginning of a trail. Someone pointed out a pretty red flower off to the side and asked if it was a poppy.
"No," Roman said. "It's an Anemone coronaria, Israel's national flower."
We walked a little ways down the path, past the gift shop to an area where we sat in a semi circle on a low built stone wall so we could listen to Ron.
"If you have your Bibles on you, turn to Matthew 16, the story where Jesus asks his disciples, 'Who do people say the Son of Man is?' And His disciples answer, 'Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.' Then He asks, 'But who do you say I am?' And Peter, who gets this amazing revelation says, 'You're the Christ, the Son of the Living God.' Jesus replies, 'Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven. And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.'
Jesus and his disciples were in this area when that conversation took place. Now let me give you some background, the region of Caesarea Philippi is home to a cave, now known as the Gates of Hell. Back then a spring gushed from this cave was believed by the locals of those days to flow straight from Hades itself. Nowadays, the river doesn't flow from there because of an earthquake that shifted it. This was also the place where, if you were a Roman, would come to worship Caesar; or Pan if you were Greek. Now I don't know if you all know much about Pan, he's usually associated with nature, but he was if fact, the god of panic. You ever wondered where the origin of that word came from, it came from Pan. In the stories, Pan was so demonic, he would get this strong- Ron paused a moment, considering the next word he was about to use. "-sexual appetite and he would yell at the top of his lungs and incite panic in all who heard it."
I sat there, stunned. I love hearing myths and legends and fairytales. I knew that Pan was a god of nature and animals but... I had no idea that he had this dark, twisted side. In fact, when I'd returned home, I did even more extensive research and was disgusted with what I learned (I won't relay my findings here, but if you follow the link on Pan that's in this post, you'll learn enough. But be warned, I wouldn't suggest letting children read about him).
"Up there at the cave, the Gates of Hell, there are a bunch of these alcoves carved into the walls nearby, where people would built shrines to Pan. It was place that no Jew would go, not just because of their religion, but fear. So imagine, Jesus telling His disciples, 'Hey I want to take on a little trip to the Gates of Hell.' They would've been scared! But picture this: When Jesus tells Peter that '...on this rock I will build my church, and the Gates of Hell will not stand against it,' He's referring to the Gates of Hell that are standing right there! And when He talks about the rock and the church, He's talking about them! Because starting with them, we are the Body of Christ, the Church!"
We all got up and followed the path which lead up some steps towards the Temple of Pan and The Gates of Hell.
(The Banias River, which once flowed from the Gates of Hell.)
As we were walking up, Haley said, "That's crazy, it's like a coincidence because I've dealt with so much anxiety, so much panic in my life, but I'm not afraid here, I'm gonna go right up to The Gates of Hell and pray!"
When we reached the top of the steps, I stopped. Before me was a huge, opening in the cliffside, the cave Ron had told us about; The Gates of Hell.
I felt a bit disappointed in the fact that it wasn't as scary as I'd imagined, but perhaps if the river still ran from it and if it was nighttime and I was alone....
I got in for a closer look:
(Just a normal cave now)
I looked up and off to my right, where the ancient shrines of Pan were, walked towards them.
Several arched alcoves were carved into the cliffside. When the Greeks came here to worship Pan, they would place idols and various offerings into these little alcoves.
There was one large one in particular that tourists would stand in and get their picture taken, and yes, I was one of them:
(The mother and daughter I mentioned in chapter 8 graciously took this photo after I took theirs.)
I walked over the Temple of Pan, following some wooden walkways built into the side of the hill we were on.
(A pillar from the Pan's Temple.)
At the entrance to the small ruined Temple of Pan, was the sign you see pictured above and below. The bottom picture is zoomed in so you can read in more easily.
(The remains of Pan's Temple.)
(One last look...)
As I descended the stairway, I caught up with Haley. "Did you get to pray?" I asked.
"Yep," She said confidently.
"It's so crazy how I never knew that about Pan," I said. "I mean, I love reading and looking up mythology and stuff, but I just never knew. You know what the Percy Jackson series is right?"
"Yeah," She said.
"Well I learned a lot of mythology from that too, but they only made him out to be some kind of god of the forests and nature and what not." I said. I guess you could say the way I felt was something similar (but not exactly) like when you're a fan of someone, a celebrity perhaps, and suddenly you find out something about them, something dark, and then you can, and will never see them the same way again.
We found ourselves back in the area near the gift shop, when we heard Roman give us 5-10 minutes until we had to be back on the bus. I wasted no time and ducked into the gift shop. I browsed for awhile, trying to decide what I should get, and if I would get a better deal on some of this merchandise later on. I eventually just got a few keychains, two of which were shaped like the country of Israel itself; they were my favorite keychain finds on this entire trip.
I heard Roman again, and, feeling that terror that comes with a sense of urgency, and fearing I'd be left behind, I rushed out of the gift shop. Thankfully, I saw Haley and her dad and mom waiting, making sure everyone was heading back to the bus. Feeling relieved, but still in a hurry, I ran, or jogged, back to the bus.
When I finally settled into my seat, the subject floating in the back of my head concerning my cycle came forward, and I wondered what I was going to do and weather or not I'd actually be able to enjoy the rest of the trip.
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